My Life

I'm Lee Kang Yao, age 19, studying in singapore poly.

For those who know me well, You all would have known my childhood.

And for those who don't, well, read on...

Ever since young, I have been a serious child. Socially well....not really accepted.

Since young, i have been a quiet child i guess...until i met shaun at least, and since young, i have always been pushed and bullied around. i don't know why, but thats the case. No matter how i try to defend myself, it all just goes in vain.

How have i been bullied?

Well, i guess the deepest memory of me being bullied, were events which were related to my cousins. I loved going to my grandma's house in klang, and play with my cousins, However, i would usually always be pushed around. i have no idea why. i was just that way. I would feel that he was really selfish and stuff. And there came another cousin of mine. he would mock me and do stuff that hurts me. i always tried to defend myself. but it always ended up in vain.

Speaking of cousins, those 2 cousins of mine hurt me really badly when one of them said that they don't like me.

i have no idea why. i really don't know why...

Another event that i can still remember, which made me quit soka kindergarden was when i was scolded by a girl a year older than me. i would usually stare out of the van's windows on the way to school. However, one day, i decided to just sit normally, and then for no reason, she just snapped at me "see see, see for what?"

i was scared and so i turned back to my usual position.

what was i so afraid of?

i don't know.

Lastly, since young i have been bullied by my sis and my maid. well....its those kind of mocking bullying. and i always felt played out by them.

once i got so jealous of my sis, i pulled my elder cousin brother into my room to show that i also can have fun but it turned out i didnt know what i was doing.

Yes it was kind of lonely for me, i felt that i didnt have anyone who cares for me nor anyone who wanted to be my friend. i don't think my parents even knew of that. i think, to them and my sis, i looked like a person who would just move on quickly but its not that case. its just that i didnt wanna make those incidents bring me down and i wanted to give it another try.

In primary school, it was fairly okay. maybe its cuz we are all little kids. but when i got to primary 4, things changed. For some reason, i just wasn't a person others would wanna hang out with. either i'm irritating, or i'm just plain boring.

i still remember in primary 5, there was a group of classmates who wanted to save animals and stuff, i got interested and i decided to join too. However, soon after, they played me out. and i really didnt know why. I was really sad.

In secondary school, it was the same thing all over again.

and again and again.

though i gained some real friends along the way, the pain of being left out didnt leave me. Probably thats the reason why i seem like an attention seeker. Maybe i just don't wanna be left out, maybe i just wanna be socially accepted....

Thats right...I do wanna be socially accepted!

so i decided that the best way to do that was to also treat others like my friends. no matter who they are. i believed by doing so, i would also have the same treatment i wanted.

as they said, "treat others like how u wanna be treated"

however, poly didnt prove so, i really treated them like my friends. and also online friends too...

But it turns out that there were just people using me.

i know, i'm naive, i'm not matured enough like the rest of u.

However, i know i do have qualities of which i am worthy to be praised of. I'm sure because of those qualities, people still want to be friends with me.

It just hurts to know that people i trust, are in turn actually using me.

It also hurts to know that during my birthday, it didnt really meant anything to anyone.

It also hurts to find out that i'm not as important as to anyone of u.

It really hurts...

However, i won't give up, i know there's a reason why i'm still living. Its not cuz i'm scared of death. but i know there's a deeper meaning to it.

I did say once before, I feel my mission in life is to make others happy.

Well, this mission still doesn't change.

For those who've read this half way or everything, i really appreciate your time. Really thanks...

Everyone longs for people to love and respect them, i'm no different.

i'm always here for everyone of you.